When I first got into real estate, I never imagined I’d be talking openly about things like depression, mania, suicide, or psychological concepts like “loss aversion” and the “peak-end rule.” Today, I don’t just think it’s helpful, I wholeheartedly believe it is necessary. Over the years I’ve learned that being a high-performing real estate broker isn’t just about market knowledge or sales skills – it’s just as much about managing your own mind and emotions. This job is an emotional roller coaster and acknowledging that has been a game-changer for me and my team.
One thing I’ve learned as both a broker and a leader is that you need guiding principles to get through the tough times. Early on, we established company core values not because it sounded nice, but because we needed them as anchors.
Agents are a weird group of people. We quit steady jobs to jump off a cliff into the unknown of commission-only careers. We are number crunching nerds, recovering drug and alcohol addicts, we are parents re-entering the workforce after a decade of being professionally obsolete. Even the 20-year-old new broker fresh out of college is taking a leap of faith leaving a world they knew, likely with questions and criticism from loved ones. Agents are all quite different, but something that we all have in common is we are dreamers.
Dreamers, in my experience, are a bit different. Often entrepreneurial, often neurodiverse, and ones that last are almost always resilient. I learned this about myself the hard way. I’ve shared with my team how I became aware of my ADHD and how, looking back, it explained a lot of the chaos of my early twenties (including a few trips to jail in those years and 50,000 volts to the back). We tend to have wiring that doesn’t fit neatly into a 9-to-5 box. That can make us incredible at dreaming big and taking risks, but it also means we face some struggles that others might not.
High-volume real estate can put intense stress on anyone, and when your mind works a bit differently, those stresses can hit even harder. I’ve seen brokers get overwhelmed by anxiety, fall into bouts of depression, or ride a manic wave of excitement only to crash later. I’ve felt all of that myself. In a high-stress, unpredictable environment like ours, you need a healthy way to process all that incoming pressure. If you don’t find a way to process the stress, the stress will process you. That’s why at our brokerage we talk about this stuff openly. From day one, we foster a culture where it’s okay to say, “I’m struggling” or “I’m burnt out,” and to have a conversation about why. We’ve had frank discussions about everything from the general anxiety this career can create, to very personal topics like dealing with depression, divorce, death, suicide, drug addiction and mania. Far from being a distraction, these conversations have become a cornerstone of how we support our people.
When the chaos of deals and clients and market swings starts pulling someone off course - maybe they’re working in a way that doesn’t align with their integrity, or they’re neglecting their health and relationships - that’s usually a sign of stress taking over. That’s when we remind each other to return to our core values. For us, values like understanding, curiosity, honesty, and professionalism aren’t just words on a wall; they’re lifelines. They help us remember why we do this and how we promised to do it. Whenever I see one of our brokers (or myself) start to spiral, it often takes a back-to-basics moment: Hey, take a breath. Remember, we value being open and ethical and putting clients first. It’s amazing how a simple grounding in your values can cut through the noise of panic or frustration. We come back to these ideas regularly in team meetings, especially after we notice a wave of stress or burnout. It’s not about scolding anyone - it’s about reminding all of us that we’re in this together and we have a purpose that’s bigger than the latest problem.
Over time, I also began weaving behavioral psychology concepts into how I coach my team (and how I operate personally). Not in a manipulative, clinical way, but in a practical, understanding way. Let me give an example: loss aversion. This is the idea that people fear loss more than they value an equivalent gain. In real estate, I’ve seen loss aversion play out over and over, especially with anxious clients. A buyer might walk away from a great deal not because it’s bad for them, but because they’re terrified of what could go wrong. They’re imagining losing money, or making a mistake, or getting in over their head. Their fear of a potential loss outweighs their hope for a gain - even if that gain is the very home they’ve been looking for.
Earlier in my career, I would get frustrated at clients like that. I’d think, “Why are they acting so irrationally? This house is perfect, the numbers make sense - why won’t they pull the trigger?” I was expecting them to behave like the mythical “rational actor” who weighs everything logically. But people aren’t purely rational, especially not when big life decisions and emotions are involved. Recognizing that was a breakthrough for me. I stopped taking client hesitation personally and started seeing it for what it often is: a natural human response to fear.
So how do we, as brokers, deal with that? The key for me was a shift in mindset: from trying to “convince someone” to trying to help free someone from their fear. If I know a client is paralyzed by the fear of losing, I don’t see it as them being difficult or wasting my time. I see it as them wearing a heavy weight that I might help lift. We have techniques now that come from this understanding of loss aversion. For instance, one subtle approach is how we phrase our suggestions. Instead of pushing a client with “You should do X,” I might ask, “Are you opposed to doing X?” It’s a small change - I’m framing the action (like making an offer, or going to see a new listing) as the default and asking if there’s a reason not to do it. You’d be amazed how often people respond with, “No, I’m not opposed to it… let’s try it.” It sounds like semantics, but psychologically it takes the pressure off. The client doesn’t feel like I’m trying to sell them on something; instead, they’re deciding if there’s any real objection. If they truly don’t want to, they’ll still say no - I haven’t forced anything. But if the only thing holding them back was an amorphous fear, this nudge often frees them to move forward.
This isn’t just good for the client - it’s good for us as brokers too. Helping someone get past their fear earlier means fewer months of spinning wheels, fewer marathon home tours that go nowhere, and fewer sleepless nights for everyone. I’ve had buyers who, once they got over that hump, thanked me for giving them the push they needed. They’re happier because they got the home they wanted, and I’m happier because I could serve them efficiently and effectively. Importantly, I never feel like I “tricked” anyone - I feel like I coached them through a tough mental block. That distinction is everything to me. I never want to manipulate a client into a decision that isn’t right; I want to guide them toward a decision they already want deep down but are afraid to make. Understanding concepts like loss aversion has allowed me to do that with confidence and empathy.
Another psychological concept that has become a staple in how we coach is the peak-end rule. This one states that people mostly remember the peak of an experience and the end of an experience. They don’t recall every minute; they recall how they felt at the most intense moment, and how they felt when it was over. Think about your last vacation - chances are you remember the highlight (say, a stunning view at the summit of a hike) and the way you left feeling (relaxed, or maybe exhausted if it went badly), rather than every detail of the itinerary. The same principle applies in real estate transactions, for both clients and brokers.
As a broker I have the power to manufacture some positive peaks and a great ending in the client’s journey. We have so many repeatable moments in this business - the first phone call, the first meeting, the first home tour, the negotiation, the closing, etc. Instead of letting those moments just happen, start being very intentional with them. For example, in your first buyer consultation or first home tour, aim to create a high point. That could be as simple as genuinely celebrating when a client finds even a small feature in a home that they love or making a connection over their dog Obi Wan Kenobi. It could be bringing a bit of unexpected value in neighborhood information, a gift card, or even a bottle of water. I want them to feel something during that initial phase, as the feeling will create more of a connection with you than professionalism or information.
Even more critical is how I end our interactions. I learned that if I’m not deliberate about the ending, I could undermine all the good that happened. So we coach our brokers to always finish on a positive, forward-looking note. You know the meeting is going to end, so if you don’t have a mirror practiced polished ending you can recite on command you are not prepared.
Here’s a practical example: let’s say we just finished touring a house that the clients didn’t like. We could end with, “Alright, let me know what you want to do, would you like to go look at those other houses down the street?” which is a flat, uncertain ending. Instead, I might wait for a lighter moment - maybe we’ve just had a laugh about the crazy wallpaper in the bedroom - and then slide in, “Sounds like this isn’t the one. Are you opposed to checking out those two other listings down the street right now while we’re out? I know one of them has the big backyard you mentioned.” Do it casually, when they’re relaxed and their “sales defense wall” is down. If you combine the loss aversion phrasing with a practiced and well timed “pitch”, you will remove the emotional obstacles someone who wants to say yes must deal with.
What did we accomplish there? We created a new peak experience (“Hey, we spontaneously saw a home we ended up loving that day, how exciting!”) and we made sure the day ended on a high note (“Our broker was so on top of it, we felt great driving home”). Even if those next homes weren’t “the one” either, the clients walk away remembering that you were proactive and that the day ended with possibilities, not a dead end. That feeling is what they carry into their overall impression of working with you. If and when they find “the house” later, they’ve already built up positive memories throughout the process, not just at the very end when the deal closes.
The peak-end rule works on us as brokers too. I’ve noticed that how our brokers end their week, for example, can color their whole perception of the job. If Friday ends with a deal blowing up spectacularly, you might go into the weekend feeling like “this week was horrible,” conveniently forgetting that you had three new clients sign on and several great wins earlier in the week. Conversely, if you close a deal at 7pm on a Friday and the clients are over the moon, you’re probably telling everyone “It was a great week!” even if a lot of it was struggle. Knowing this can help you be aware. At your “end” points (day, week, month), review that period. You can celebrate your wins, mourn your losses, and have a process to process. Once you’re able to process, you’re able to let it go.
Perhaps the most rewarding part of this journey has been seeing how a focus on the “human” side of our industry has impacted not just our clients’ satisfaction but our own growth. I mentioned how I came to terms with my ADHD and past mistakes; that only happened because I was in an environment that encouraged honesty and reflection. By openly discussing our quirks and struggles, our team built a foundation of trust. In a way, we’ve all become each other’s unofficial therapists and coaches. A high-performing sales culture can easily become cutthroat or superficial, but we chose a different path - one where it’s normal to say “I’m having a hard time” and where helping each other through that is part of the job. The transformation I’ve seen in myself and others is incredible. I’m an incredibly flawed individual, but I’m much more self-aware than I was years ago. That self-awareness means I can catch myself when I’m veering toward an unhealthy level of stress or when I’m reacting emotionally to something minor. Instead of riding a wild roller coaster of burnout and frenzy, I can moderate the highs and lows a bit better. And when I do hit a low, I know it’s okay to say, “I’m not okay today.” The same goes for my team - I’ve seen new brokers join us who initially tried to put on a “tough as nails” persona, and within months they’re participating in honest conversations about mental blocks or emotional hurdles they’re facing. Once they do, their growth skyrockets. It’s like giving a plant water after neglect - they just flourish.
The emotional burden in real estate is heavy, no doubt. We carry the weight of our clients’ life decisions, our own financial pressures, and the volatile ups and downs of the market. But I truly believe that confronting that burden head-on is what separates a thriving, long-term career from a quick burnout. By understanding some basics of behavioral psychology and embracing vulnerability, we can turn what might be weaknesses into strengths. The fact that you feel anxious before a big negotiation isn’t a sign you’re bad at this - it means you care, and if you channel that feeling, it can make you prepare harder and empathize more with your client. The fact that you have ADHD (or any other trait that makes your brain zigzag) isn’t a death sentence in real estate - often it comes with creativity, energy, and out-of-the-box problem solving that “by-the-book” folks can’t replicate. Yes, you might need to devise personal systems to stay organized (I live by my calendar reminders and checklists now), but once you do, your different wiring becomes an asset, not a curse.
I want brokers out there to know that you’re not alone in these feelings. If you’ve ever sat in your car and screamed after losing a deal, felt your heart race with panic at 2am thinking about an upcoming client meeting or a call you forgot to make, trust me - I have too. Most of us have. The key is what you do with those feelings. Don’t bottle them up and pretend to be a robot. Talk to someone, whether it’s a colleague, a friend, or a mentor. Educate yourself a bit on why our brains do what they do - sometimes just naming a bias or a psychological pattern (“oh, I’m just experiencing loss aversion right now”) can take the sting out of it and help you move forward.
Ultimately, I’ve found that by embracing the human side of this business, I haven’t just become a better broker, I've become a better person. It’s still a wild ride - that’s the nature of real estate. But now I know that even when I’m flying through twists and turns, I’ve got my hand on the wheel and good people in the car with me.